Saturday, January 26, 2008

We got a Suprise and Dissapointment

MD and I have been so excited that our oldest was a very ambitious and independent young lady. She always had wondrous goals and wanted to do many things before she ever settled down. So we encouraged her to be this independent adrenalin junkie girl. MD and I never went to University when we were young (I am doing it now), we never went out of the country by ourselves as she plans to do this summer (which I hope she still does). She had big plans for a career. So I guess you could say we lived vicariously through her and her adventures.

Well I guess you can tell that I am leading to something, something that.....well I am not sure about the rest of you out there in virtual world...but I was not looking forward to this until well after she graduated university and was working and enjoying life as a young person should.

She has announced that she is engaged to be MARRIED! Yes the boy did come ask MD permission, but that was just, just, I do not know... fake is the only word that comes to mind.
I have been told they would not have gotten engaged without our permission. WELL, they did not have my permission. As a matter of fact, this young man asked ME a year ago and I told him then that he needed to wait until they graduated college then come see us. BUT no, they (he) could not wait so he came over to speak with MD when he knew I would not be home, and of course MD did not say no. He said that they would do it anyway, but he did say that he did not want to see anything happen before they graduated.
So needless to say we lost all our excitement regarding her future. It is not that we do not like her boyfriend (but he is making it harder and harder all the time) it is just that she is only 19! She is giving up her youth, her time to be reckless, carefree, unattached. I wish that she would at least wait until she was in her mid 20's.

I know every parent wants better for their kids than they had it. Hind site is always 20/20 as they say. MD and I both say if we had it to do over there were parts we would do differently (me, would have been get my education completed sooner rather than later).
And all we want for her is not to have regrets. We have always supported her in any endeavor she has taken on. This should have been an exciting joyous time for her like engagements usually are (mine was fantastic), and now, it will not. It makes my heart ache to listen to her speak of University now. She does not like her classes, school is boring, this is not what she wants, etc. Our hearts and stomachs twist every time we hear her speak about it. It is like she is trying to prepare us for something else, and that ..we can not support her on. We are hoping this is just a phase that she will get tired of and come back to the overachieving, goal minded, independent and strong young lady we know and love.
I am trying my darnedest to be open about it, and I am willing to hear ANY suggestions. I am lost and spinning out of control on this one so any suggestions would be appreciated!


Anonymous said...

She is making a big mistake. Sadly, there is very little you can do to change her mind. If they go through with the marriage, it will fail. But you have to support her through it and be there to help pick up the pieces. I could quote statistics and such but there is no need, if she gets married, it will not last. Of course she does not understand this. She is in love. Love has a way of making a person blind to the truth and reality. I have seen it a hundred times during my life on this earth. B/c it is love (or she thinks it is) there is nothing you can do. No amount reason will make her understand. Sometimes you have to let your kids fail so they learn some of those hard life lessons we all must learn sooner or later. I don't know if this helps, but support her as best as you can and be there when the marriage fails. Which it will b/c they are far too young to really understand life. She has not tasted much real failure at this point in her life, maybe it is time. It sounds cruel, but life is cruel sometimes.

April said...

What a difficult situation you are in. Michael was 35 and I was 28 when we got married. We both had the opportunity to live on our own, be our own person and make stupid mistakes and learn from them. I don't regret for one second waiting to get married. I have one regret in my life and it is not finishing college. I quit after a year and a half and to this day I wish I would've sucked it up and finished. If this boy really LOVES Felicia he will allow her the opportunity to live her life and continue with school. If it truly is LOVE then it will still be there when school is finished. And well if he doesn't allow her that opportunity to grow it wasn't love in the first place.

Anonymous said...

It isn't right for everyone, that's true. But what happened to letting your kids make their own mistakes! She is 19. Yes that is young but it sounds like she is a pretty smart girl.

I bet if you would show your support and love instead of contempt and judgement, you may have more of a say in your daughter's life and choices. Keep acting the way you are and you may lose her forever. What's more important?

Anonymous said...

You mentioned in your post that this is her time to be wreckless, and carefree. Although this possible marriage may not be as carefree as some things she could be doing, it could turn out to be the wrecklessness you mentioned. Everyone learns from their mistakes differently. Getting married may be hers. But also, she is old and bright enough to distinguish between love and lust, and you should stand by her and support her decision, because in time if she learns that it was a mistake she will need you more than ever and by objecting this early in the game you are only burning those bridges.