Friday, May 29, 2009

His Choice has Been Made

Devin's appointment with his probation officer was . . . . well in a word . . dumbfounding is the only one I can come up with. No matter what this woman said Devin argued. If she said blue he said black. He is determined to have it his way. Well now he gets it, the ball is in motion so to say. His PO is starting the paperwork to put him before a judge. He said he did not care. She said that with the attitude he has right now and the response he is giving will put him in juvenile detention. He said fine he did not care. This kid has no idea what he is getting into she explained to me. I told her that is because he has NEVER had to pay consequences to his actions outside the home before and he just does not believe that anyone ever will. He tells her that his "parents are mean and never let him do anything". But when asked what is it that we do not let him do he has no response. PO wants me to get him drug tested today. Oh joy that is going to be fun. She is also setting up a pshyc eval for him as she said that the judge will want all these things anyway. Devin said that he is done with doctors, they do not help, they only make him madder. She explained that he has to go but it is his choice to cooperate or not. If he chooses not then things will go worse for him.

She did explain that the odds are he will be taken out of our home and placed in juvenile services. He said that he is okay with this. She said that if it gets hard it is not like running away, he can not choose when he gets to come home and neither does his parents. Again he was okay with this.

His PO left totally amazed. She said that she has not ever had a kid this (she struggled for a word). I said defiant. She said yea that and more. She can not understand what is going on in his head. She said clearly he is very intelligent, he has to know what this means for him. She said that she cannot believe that he does not care.

I told her he is beyond our help, I have been asking for years and been turned away, so now it is up to Devin and the Judge. But we also have his sister to worry about and his behavior at home is destroying is not good for her to be around.

So I guess he really does hate us that much that he is willing to get sent to such a place to be rid of us. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. That hurts in ways I hope no other parent ever has to feel.


utmomof 5 said...

It osunds like you are doing the right thing. As hard as it may be if he is causing his PO officer to be at a loss for words things must need to go to the next step. I will be thinking of you!!

Cindi said...

I am so very sorry that you are dealing with this. I can imagine that you have absolutely no down time at all. If you aren't dealing with him and his actions, then you're worrying about him.

It's easy for me to say these things because I'm not the one going through this. But please know that I will keep you and your family in my thoughts as you navigate through all of this.

As a teacher, we tell our students that they make choices all the time, and the results of those choices may not be pleasant. However, there are consequences to poor choices and we all have had to deal with them at some point in time.

Perhaps Devin entering the DH will be the wake up call he needs. Yes, I know...easy for me to say.

The drug testing and psych eval are definitely necessities. The results may give you some insight into why he's acting the way he is.

I wish you nothing but the best and hope that someday you'll be able to look back on this and be thankful that you somehow got through it all.