Saturday, May 16, 2009

I Just Do Not Get It.

Last evening I spent time with a neighbor/friend so she would not be alone. She was very upset and totally feeling worthless. You see this friend was someone who when she walked into a place lit it up. She was always full of energy. She inspired me in ways that a hard to explain. We met when she and her husband were building their home. But we did not get to really get to know each other until we met at the Y during an exercise class. We do not have a lot in common, though we always have TONS to talk about when we get together. She and I have this bazaar bond that is ..... I just do not know how to explain it.

Anyway, MD and I were across the street last night at another neighbors visiting when she drove around the corner of our house. I walked over to her car "hey sexy" I stated and bent over to chat through her window. She stated that she needed to speak with MD regarding some things she needed done to her home. I could tell IMMEDIATELY she was upset (though she tried hiding it). I asked "are you okay"? Instantly the tears started welling in her eyes "Patrick left me" is all she could croak out. I turned to MD and he hurried to my side, bent, took one look at her and he too asked "are you alright"? I turned to him said I would explain later, turned to Karen and said I will speak with MD for you. You should go and I will come up to be with you tonight.

You see Karen is a very private person. I am surprise at all that she stopped last night when clearly she did not have herself together. So I knew I had to be with her. MD and I went back to the neighbors chatted for a little longer, then we excused ourselves (we still had to put the patio furniture back before the Storm hit).

I told MD I was going up the street to sit with Karen and that I would be back in a little bit. He responded "take all the time she needs". Is he not the best!
So here is what I do not get. What I do not understand is how someone can just decide one day they do not have ANY feelings for the person they have just spent 14 years with. How does one just wake up and say "I can not be married to you one more day". This is not the first time I have heard this. Another friend years ago said his wife told him the same thing. Except she added "I do not want to be married or a mother any more" and left.

Karen is beating herself up because she thinks she could have done something to stop this. But she does not know what it is he does not like (love) about her anymore. I wanted so badly to take away her sadness, but as I sat there rubbing her leg I realized that there was nothing, absolutely noting that I could do for her or to help her. I did however explain to her she did not need to be alone. She could and should call whenever she felt alone and I would be there. If for nothing else but company. There we sat, no talking, just listening to the rain, and her crying. She was not alone and I would not leave her (though I was getting a bit curious to know if my children decided to come home out of the storm). I did not give her pity, as that is not what she would have wanted, but I wanted to "DO" something. I can only hope that I helped her in some little way.

I told her I could not imagine what she was feeling or going through. That I could only tell her I watched my sister go though this and what she went through. Knowing that every one's situation is different but yet the same in the end.

She said "he wants us to still be friends". WTH! Is he for real? Does he not have any feeling at all? How could he possible believe that she could do that, now? I think he just wants to be guiltless and to get done with this quickly. So HE does not get hurt. That to me is not fair. Of course I did keep that part to myself. Nothing would be gained my voicing my views on what an insensitive ASS he was being. Was it not enough that he just walked away from a 14 year relationship, destroyed he entire self esteem, and gave her a crushing blow all in one evening. Now he wants to be friends. He also reminded her that with everything uncontested they would not need a lawyer and could have the divorce final in 30 days. OMG what an ass (I will not write what I exactly think of him at this moment as I do not what that kind of profanity here).

I mean I do (did) like Patrick, he was a nice friendly (weird at times) guy and a good neighbor. But being a female and seeing Karen in the state I did I can not feel good things about him just now.

I do not wish harm to him but I do hope that he ends up realizing what he is throwing away. He is being very "business like" with this whole thing and expects her to do the same. Unimaginable.

I know I have ranted and veered in different tirades but I have a hard time eloquently phrasing the way I feel at times (not that I write well in the first place). But if I do not write to you, my sounding board, I would probably say something inappropriate in the real world and that would not be good.


Laggin said...

My guess is that this didn't just happen. He's been "acting" the part for a while and just finally worked up the ability to say it out loud.

Suggest she find a counselor? And a lawyer. She shouldn't take his "we can do this uncontested thing" lightly. Maybe they can, maybe they can't; but he could seriously be hiding something because he's likely been planning this awhile and she needs to protect herself--even if all she wants to do is cry.

utmomof 5 said...

I don't get it either.

Oh and I totally agree with the comment above, she needs to be sure and protect herself.

Sounds like you were a good friend. Sometimes the only thing you can do is just be there with them. Glad she had you to lean on.