Sunday, May 31, 2009
There is nothing worse for a parent (next to your child dying) than getting a 6am phone call from your child with said child hysterically crying. Crying so hard that you can not understand a word coming from her mouth. And of course there is nothing you can do (as she is thousands of miles away) to calm her down. So finally she stops sobbing long enough to explain that:
1. The airlines have lost one of her suitcases (really not a big deal), and
2. The gentleman she was going to rent a room from is non-existent so she had no place to live for the summer.
Like I said the luggage part not that serious, and they did get it to her the next day. A friend of MD's said they always loose her luggage every time she went to Italy and always got it to her in a short time after.
Now we had to concentrate on getting her a place to live while she is there. She said that there was one room left at the on-campus housing (where Felicia should have looked in the first place) so I told her to take it. She was very worried about the cost $1,100 a month, so I had to explain to her at this point it did not matter as she had to have a place to live. I told her we could work out the money after she got back home.
Now do not get me wrong, it is not like we really have the extra money (more than the extra we are already sending her to keep up with her bills while she is gone)to be just throwing it around like water. She would have never been able to go on this trip if it was not for her scholarship paying for the school part and some of the "off campus stipend" she is getting. But I paid for the $1,500 airline ticket months ago, and cashed her college "saving" accounts that we had for her (since she has a full ride scholarship that pays for EVERYTHING here she has not needed them). Which basically says we have been saving for 4 years for this trip. But I can not have her just "living" anywhere over there. I want her safe.
She has taken a trip to Venas already her first weekend there, hit a couple of "nightclubs" back in Florance and all of this in her first week there. She and a couple of the kids she has met have planned a couple of other trips also. One of her trips she is going to Ireland (I am sooo jealous) and another is to England to go to the Harry Potter Opening! They are planning to do Harry Potter stuff the whole time they are there. She is also planning a trip to Vultura (??spelling) so for you Twilight fans this is the time to start drooling! She said that they (the cast) were there last week doing some filming. How freaking cool is that!
She is meeting a lot of people from all over the world and some from the states. I hope that she stays in touch with some of them when she gets home. Yes she is even meeting a couple of boys (and in their pics they are cuties) but she is playing the good girl (darn it). She loves the girls she is meeting and is having a really good time with them (from NY of course). She said that she is asked A LOT if she is Italian, duh just look at her of course she is Italian, and others assume she can speak the language (some but not very much). People are surprised when she can not. I did not think she looked that Italian.
Lots of people warned her of how "overly friendly" Italian men are. She said that she really has not had a problem with that as she is not a blond. She said they love blonds over there. Finally a fantastic reason to be a brunette!
Check it all out from her view I had her make a blog so we could all follow her travels at "Oh The Places I'll Go" and see Italy through a 20 year old's eyes.
Friday, May 29, 2009
She did explain that the odds are he will be taken out of our home and placed in juvenile services. He said that he is okay with this. She said that if it gets hard it is not like running away, he can not choose when he gets to come home and neither does his parents. Again he was okay with this.
His PO left totally amazed. She said that she has not ever had a kid this (she struggled for a word). I said defiant. She said yea that and more. She can not understand what is going on in his head. She said clearly he is very intelligent, he has to know what this means for him. She said that she cannot believe that he does not care.
I told her he is beyond our help, I have been asking for years and been turned away, so now it is up to Devin and the Judge. But we also have his sister to worry about and his behavior at home is destroying is not good for her to be around.
So I guess he really does hate us that much that he is willing to get sent to such a place to be rid of us. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. That hurts in ways I hope no other parent ever has to feel.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
I have no understanding of the way I feel right now. Though I was glad to see that Devin was okay and not hurt, I was/am still very upset with him. I explained to Devin that we now had to call the police again to let them know he was home. His only response "I just passed one a few minutes ago and they did nothing". This is what we have to deal with, he thinks he did nothing wrong again and it is our fault that the police are involved. He said that he had it figured out where he could stay for the next three weeks but he had no money for food. I just sat there and said nothing, I could only stare at the road dumbfounded.
So basically he only came home because it is raining outside, he has nothing to eat, and no where to stay (he slept in a recycle bin last night). There was no I am sorry mom, no I will try to do better, just nothing. Well that is not exactly true, he did thank me for taking Ty home but other than that nothing.
I called the police department, my choices are too wait up all night for an officer to show up (I was informed they we're VERY busy this evening) or to call back in the morning so an officer can come verify he is actually home. I opted for the morning as I do not want to wake MD up in the middle of the night.
At least he came home while MD was in bed, at least there will be no arguing tonight. Ah yet the morning awaits.
I checked online with the school today and found that he did not go to school either. Thinking that maybe he would come home today after MD left I waited to do anything. At noon I called his Probation Officer to find out what to do next. As it is if he does not get his tale home he will miss his first "fire school" meeting. This is also a court appointed activity. His PO stated that if he misses this class he will be kicked out and therefor breaking his "informal" probation rules.
Um, hello doesn't breaking his curfew also break the rules?
She then informed me the only way she can do anything further I have to file a police report for a missing child and that I should also contact a drug testing office in the area for if/when Devin shows up to get him tested.
So I do as she stated, called the Police Department and the Drug Test Center. The police came got my information (it really was misserable to have to remember what he was wearing through the fog of cold meds, I could not remember the color shirt he was wearing)and he explained what if/when he is found/comes home that will happen/need to be done.
All this and no one will tell me defiantly what kind of help we/Devin can get. More little hoops to jump through again. We have been doing EVERYTHING that the "authorities" have been telling us to do and we are still banging our heads into walls no closer to getting Devin the help he/we need.
So here I wait, coughing my head off (I hate colds) waiting for my kid to be brought/come home. Dreading the confrontation that will inevitably happen. My nerves are starting to unravel seriously quickly. Stress is a wonderful thing is it not?
I hope Devin starts to consider the ramifications of his actions soon, because he has no idea the affects of his actions on all of us around him.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I am sick.
I have not been sick in YEARS.
Devin has been coughing all over the house the past couple of days. Complaining that he does not feel well. But when I try to get him to stay home, in bed, get rest, get better he refuses. So off he goes and brought back a cold for me. Thanks kid.
Devin thinks of it as his way of getting back at me for being "A JERK" (his exact words). He said "you would have not gotten sick if you would just leave me alone". All I did was try to feel his head to see if he had a fever, he looked flushed. Man that kid is just hateful sometimes.
Time to get something warm for my throat. What a wasted vacaiton.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Yes I write about family, friends, and life in general. I have not used offensive words (as MANY a blogger do) I write as if I were speaking with my parents or grandmother. I am not ashamed of anything I have put on my blog or I how I feel about a particular event going on in my life. This is me, take me as I am or you do not have to come back and read. I realize that it is out there for the world to see, I am not an naive about such things. I know that sometimes how I feel or what I say may rub people the wrong way. But one does not have to keep reading or coming back. That is the power of free will. It is the right to choose, and you can choose to not come back.
But what I am saying, however, that if one chooses to leave such negative views regarding another's life or statements (which of course is your right as you said this is a public blog), man up and leave you name. Do not hide behind the unknown. That is just being a coward, and if you feel the need to hide behind a mask then what you have to say really matters not. But if you can not man up and leave a name you should not bother putting your opinions on others sites.
This is, Anonymous, is the last time you will ruffle my feathers and be acknowledged no matter what comment you leave.
I of course have no IDEA who you are since you did not sign your name. I think it shoes very little respect and a bit of cowardliness when people make comments such as yours and hide behind ANONYMOUS.
Actually I really do not have THAT much drama in my life. I normally lead a very quiet dull life (which I am normally very happy with). I do however have MANY unfortunate events that are happening now and most of them involve my one and only son. And in actuality we have been trying to deal with this since the kid was two. They have just grown in magnitude as he has grown.
Since I do not know who you are and do not know if you even have children. But I have to say that until one walks in the shoes of another you really should not say "I was disgusted by the posts about Devin and wanting to put him in military school and saying you were done with him" as you have no idea how hard it is for the person in such a situation.
Do you really think that I could come to such a decision lightly as to send my son away and have someone else help when I could not? Do you really think that maybe I needed to vent, and have my actual "virtual" friends/support group help me through this? While yes I know this has public viewing, it is the best way to not have to repeat one thing a million times, discuss items with people actually going through some of the same stuff we are, and to keep up with those far away. This is a decision that still hurts my heart and I am still dragging tail on. But I think military school is a MUCH better alternative than to where any judge or probation office will send him, as the kind of children in those places are the exact kind of kids I am trying to keep him away from.
You of course do not actually know me or my family so therefore you have no IDEA how long and progressively worse his situation is and has gotten.
So Anonymous, in the future when you are reading the personal happenings in others lives and feel the need to comment, own up to your words. Because if you are not comfortable signing your name to it maybe you should not be writing it in the first place.
My father has always said "If you would be embarrassed to have your family read it you should not write it". I believe this is a good thing to live by and goes for all Anonymous writers.
I mean seriously, why do you think I do not swear more on here!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
First the airline lost one of her pieces of luggage. Lucky for her she split her clothes up so not all of her clothes (pants shirts etc) were in one bag. So she still had some clothes to wear, just not a lot.
Second after she landed she kept trying desperately to get a hold of her landlord. No luck, I do not know how it happened but she found out that it was a scam! She sent her deposit money to a man that ran with it. AND SHE HAD NOWHERE TO LIVE for two months in another country!
Italy is 7 hours ahead of Missouri time, so I expected a "mom I landed" call at 2:30 am. Never got it so of course my sleep for the night was shot. Finally at 6:10 am I got a call, unfortunately she was frantically crying. This MAN took off with my baby's money and gave her no place to live. It was a scam, we were all taken. I looked over the contract and the "copy" of his passport, all looked okay. Boy did I feel like I was schooled.
Felicia said that the cab driver was very nice and gave her maps to help her find a new place to stay, other students were offering a couch until she found a place to stay. Other than the JERK "landlord" everyone has been very nice and helpful.
The "rock" had to come out, no time for me to freak out and go all nutso on the kid (like I wanted to do). She has found a new place to stay but ugh it is $1,100 a month. She is worried about money, I told her I would cover the rent and to not let this "event" ruin her trip. I got her to stop crying. and told her to have whoever call me with payment information (this is really going to hurt my bank account) and I will take care of it.
Then if my day did not already feel STRESSED enough, with worrying about my kid in another country homeless. For work I had to go to a clients office an hour away and do some work in their office. Ugh I really hate doing that, not that it is difficult work, it is just out of my "comfort zone" and I avoid unfamiliar things sometimes. Blah Blah Blah, what ever. I know get a life. But anyway, about 10ish I get a call from Devin, he want me to come bring him money for lunch (here is where you ask me why he did not get it BEFORE he left for school). I said there was no way I could do that. I was an 1 1/2 hours away in Illinois and it was impossible. He said "call dad and ask him". Uh, no you could call dad and ask him. But I can tell you the answer will be no as he was in the city which is an hour plus from school. I asked where his money was that he had. He said 1. I am not using MY money for lunch and 2. I did not want to carry it with me so it is at home. My response, well borrow from a friend and pay them back. It was you who refused to get up this morning, you who refuse to talk with me, so you deal with it. He said okay I will see if I can borrow and got off the phone.
After that conversation, oh about 2 hours later, I received a call from his principle. UGH again. She asked if I could talk (not a good sign), I said yes. She said that it was not something that I had to come get him for but that Devin was disruptive in class and was cussing (at first she thought it was AT a teacher but later found out it was about a student.) All of which was earning him ZAP (which is in school suspension). All I could do was roll my eyes. She said he would be in ZAP the rest of the year AND it would roll over to next year. Great, what an ending to the school year, and even a better beginning to next.
I was thinking to myself could this day SUCK anymore than it does, well I got may answer it relatively a short amount of time. Since it was now going on two o'clock MO time it would be 9pm Italy time I was starting to get worried about Felicia. I had not heard a peep about living arrangements. I could not call the school (the only number I currently had) as they were closed. So I called her boyfriend to see if he had spoke with her. This is how our conversation went:
He said he had about an 1 1/2 ago.
I asked him for an update.
His response: About what?
Me: on everything that is going on.
His response: What do you know?
At this point I wanted to crawl through the phone a smack him upside his head. What do you mean what do I know. You snake, you deadbeat, you, you, I could not think straight at this point.
My response: I know everything now tell me what she has said about everything!
He finally told me what he knew (briefly, I think he knew he mad me mad) and I got off the phone with him. I felt a bit better knowing she had a place to stay.
Yesterday I thought I would feel better, nope worse. I got to work and tried to get things completed so I could enjoy my week vacation (I always take my vacations on holiday weeks that way I get more time off). But a hour into work my cell rings and it is Devin's counselor wanting to talk about summer programs for Devin. He needs to attend A LOT of summer school and pass if he does not want to be a freshman again next year. CRAP here we go again. So I discuss several options they have and picked what worked best for me this time. Credit Recovery was my choice. It is available from 3pm to 10pm Monday through Thursday. Yes I have to take him, they do not provide buses. So at least this way I will not have to miss much work AND I get peace at home in the evenings.
With that settled, I get back to working. Then about an hour after that my cell rings again this time the principle again. Devin was in her office in trouble again over a "altercation" between him and one of his friends over a cigarette purchase. It now seems that Devin's selling cigarettes to students. Not on school property (as he proudly mentioned to the principle) so technically he was not in trouble for that part. But he finished the transaction ON school property and with the "altercation" (he was trying to get the money "owed" to him from his friend) he received another 5 day ZAP. So now when he gets back to school next year he will attend his first day of classes, then the next 7 in ZAP. What a way to start the year.
Then to make my day any better I get an email from his probation office. Seems that Devin is not following the rules set for him and if he keeps on this path she will have to put him before a Judge. AW CRAP.
I get home and get MD updated. Of course he blows his top. CRAP more drama to deal with.
Then Devin decides that his court appointed curfew was to be avoided. He did not get home until 10:30 pm. He cared not that he was supposed to be home at 9pm. He cared not to call and let us know where he was. His only response to me was "well maybe you should get me a cell phone so you can call me to find out where I am and when you want me to come home". WTH!
I told him he KNOWS what time he is to be home, he KNOWS that he is supposed to leave me a note of where he is going to be and a phone number to reach him.
I want to wake up now. I want to not feel so tired.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
You are on a crowded bus when you suddenly realize you need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.
You let go about 5 strong and loud ones back to back.
After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you remember:
you've been listening to your iPod.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Anyway, MD and I were across the street last night at another neighbors visiting when she drove around the corner of our house. I walked over to her car "hey sexy" I stated and bent over to chat through her window. She stated that she needed to speak with MD regarding some things she needed done to her home. I could tell IMMEDIATELY she was upset (though she tried hiding it). I asked "are you okay"? Instantly the tears started welling in her eyes "Patrick left me" is all she could croak out. I turned to MD and he hurried to my side, bent, took one look at her and he too asked "are you alright"? I turned to him said I would explain later, turned to Karen and said I will speak with MD for you. You should go and I will come up to be with you tonight.
You see Karen is a very private person. I am surprise at all that she stopped last night when clearly she did not have herself together. So I knew I had to be with her. MD and I went back to the neighbors chatted for a little longer, then we excused ourselves (we still had to put the patio furniture back before the Storm hit).
I told MD I was going up the street to sit with Karen and that I would be back in a little bit. He responded "take all the time she needs". Is he not the best!
So here is what I do not get. What I do not understand is how someone can just decide one day they do not have ANY feelings for the person they have just spent 14 years with. How does one just wake up and say "I can not be married to you one more day". This is not the first time I have heard this. Another friend years ago said his wife told him the same thing. Except she added "I do not want to be married or a mother any more" and left.
Karen is beating herself up because she thinks she could have done something to stop this. But she does not know what it is he does not like (love) about her anymore. I wanted so badly to take away her sadness, but as I sat there rubbing her leg I realized that there was nothing, absolutely noting that I could do for her or to help her. I did however explain to her she did not need to be alone. She could and should call whenever she felt alone and I would be there. If for nothing else but company. There we sat, no talking, just listening to the rain, and her crying. She was not alone and I would not leave her (though I was getting a bit curious to know if my children decided to come home out of the storm). I did not give her pity, as that is not what she would have wanted, but I wanted to "DO" something. I can only hope that I helped her in some little way.
I told her I could not imagine what she was feeling or going through. That I could only tell her I watched my sister go though this and what she went through. Knowing that every one's situation is different but yet the same in the end.
She said "he wants us to still be friends". WTH! Is he for real? Does he not have any feeling at all? How could he possible believe that she could do that, now? I think he just wants to be guiltless and to get done with this quickly. So HE does not get hurt. That to me is not fair. Of course I did keep that part to myself. Nothing would be gained my voicing my views on what an insensitive ASS he was being. Was it not enough that he just walked away from a 14 year relationship, destroyed he entire self esteem, and gave her a crushing blow all in one evening. Now he wants to be friends. He also reminded her that with everything uncontested they would not need a lawyer and could have the divorce final in 30 days. OMG what an ass (I will not write what I exactly think of him at this moment as I do not what that kind of profanity here).
I mean I do (did) like Patrick, he was a nice friendly (weird at times) guy and a good neighbor. But being a female and seeing Karen in the state I did I can not feel good things about him just now.
I do not wish harm to him but I do hope that he ends up realizing what he is throwing away. He is being very "business like" with this whole thing and expects her to do the same. Unimaginable.
I know I have ranted and veered in different tirades but I have a hard time eloquently phrasing the way I feel at times (not that I write well in the first place). But if I do not write to you, my sounding board, I would probably say something inappropriate in the real world and that would not be good.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
A friend of mine sent me this email for Mother's Day and I thought I would share it. It perfectly describes a mom, not just the stay home moms but ALL moms.
A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk 's office,was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is, " explained the recorder,"do you have a job or are you just a ...?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman.
"I'm a Mom."
"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation,'housewife' covers it," Said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised,efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."
"What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know.The words simply popped out.
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words.Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written,in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest,"just what you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice,I heard myself reply,
"I have a continuing program of research,(what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family)and already have four credits (all daughters).
Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom."
What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door
Sunday, May 10, 2009
My youngest wanted to know when will it be kids day? MD explained to her that everyday seems to be kids day at least at our house. She gave him a confused look I suspect ( I was behind her) so he continued with "the kids in our house do not seem to ever help clean, cook, or do yard work. She had no response and decided to look into her cereal bowl. I think she was a little put off that MD made ME breakfast in bed and she did not get any well except for left over bacon.
I on the other hand was awoke by my WONDERFUL husband with a hot cup of coffee (just the way I like it), bacon, eggs, and toast. IN BED! He was up at 6 am (as usual) and let me sleet until 8 - 830 (that is late for me). And I am not even his mom. Such a sweet guy, really you just got to love him.
I must be on my kids sh%$ list because they have had pretty much nothing to do with me today, and I have not even heard from my eldest. I suppose that is why MD went out of his way to make my day nice.
Speaking of which, after he let me lounge a bit after eating off to buy plants for the front. AND WE ARE FINALLY FINISHED!!!! We ever had a neighbor come over that we have never met asking who did the walls. Nothing better than say "why we did". His eyes grew large as well as the smile on his face. He stated that we did a wonderful job and wanted to know if it would be okay if he came back and took pictures. He said that they have hired a guy to do theirs and now he needs to figure what and how he wants everything and that he really likes our. MD and I were just beaming with pride, and of course we told him it would be fine to take pictures.
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Friday, May 08, 2009
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Thoughts about your last day on Earth:
SO HOW DO YOU WANT TO GO? In my sleep holding my husband.
WHICH SONG WILL PLAY FOR YOU IN HEAVEN? "Only the Good Die Young" - Billy Joel
WHAT BOOK DO YOU REGRET NOT FINISHING? Any that I have not yet started.
WHILE ALIVE, WHAT DID YOU SPEND MOST OF YOUR MONEY ON? my home and kids
WHO IN YOUR LIFE WOULD YOU HAVE MOST LIKED TO KICK IN THE EYE? I do not dislike anyone that much (and if I did they would not be in my life).
WHAT WILL BE YOUR GREATEST LEGACY? Depends on with whom you ask. But I think my kids will be my legacy on this world.
ANY REGRETS ABOUT BEING OUTSPOKEN? Never. Pretty much anything I've ever said, I've meant. Even if it should have been kept to myself.
WHEN WERE YOU THE HAPPIEST? Anytime my husband puts his arms around me, holds me close and kisses me softly.
NAME ONE THING YOU'RE GLAD YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO DO AGAIN ON EARTH? Cleaning my house or picking up dog poop in the back yard. (I have a simple/boring life)
WHAT'S THE WILDEST THING YOU EVER DID WHILE YOU WERE ALIVE? Skydive, glider plane ride in NY, raced cars as a teen doing over 100mph on a small hwy, and one unmentionable that I will NEVER tell anyone but checked it off my bucket list.
WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WOULD WANT TO DO ON YOUR LAST DAY? Be close to my husband alone on a white sand beach and watching one amazing sunset. Of course I would have to hang glide before hand off a beautiful mountain top.
WHAT'S YOUR LAST MEAL? A perfectly cooked steak, steamed veggies and garlic mashed potatoes.
DO YOU HAVE A DEATHBED CONFESSION? I have no regrets, and nothing I feel ashamed about. I am who I am take me or leave me alone.
TO WHOM WOULD YOU WHISPER YOUR LAST GOODBYE? Of course my best friend - my husband.
What would YOU do with only 24 hours? Weird to think about, eh?
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Friday, May 01, 2009
T-Showers on Saturday, Few Showers on Sunday, AM Showers on Monday.
The rivers are high, creeks are full. We are looking at a very very wet spring.Do we not get a break?
This is the last weekend for MONTHS if not the rest of the year that MD will be home on a weekend and able to help finish the landscaping. His construction jobs start up next weekend and he has several of them currently scheduled through the beginning of November. He left only a couple of weekends open for us to get things completed around here. Mother Nature is not playing vary fair.
He said that we are going to work until it starts raining, and if it is not raining hard we will work in the rain. Hopefully we will be able to get it done tomorrow and then that will leave me to just do the plants. That I can handle by myself. Ah I guess we will see when I get up in the AM.
Wish us luck!