Saturday, May 01, 2010

Tequila

I lost a close friend yesterday. She has been with me for 18 years, been with me through good and bad.

My cat, Tequila.

She was a great cat, she never jumped on the counters, climbed up curtains, scratched furniture. She has dealt with the parade of other animals with great patience and flair. But she did make it clear WHO ruled the roost....and that would be her.

She had been getting sick quit a lot for the last couple of month. I kept thinking she was eating the dog food and that was what was upsetting her stomach. Then this past Sunday after shopping with Mikayla we came home to poop fest in my living room. The dogs were in their kennel so obviously it was not them. Tequila was walking around like she was going to go poo again. I put her in the laundry room and only let her out when I was home. She never got better. So I finally made an appointment with the vet.


The doctor wanted to run blood tests, so I agreed. She came back with the news that Tequila's kidneys were failing and not cleaning the toxins out of her system as they should be and she was dehydrated.

I asked, of course, what there was to do about it. They said that we could not revers the damage already done to her kidneys but they could get it to stop. I would have to leave her overnight to get IV fluids to rehydrate her. Then I would have to start giving her medication that would help her kidneys. And that she would have to take this medication the rest of her life. I said, oh okay, so this will help her live what another 2 years or better? I was told no. If I was lucky I would be able to keep her another 6 months to be a year.

I asked about the next option, she said that I could take her home and not give her the medicine (by the way the first option was a very expensive option) but they would like to send her home with pain medication. They said that she was walking the was she was because she was in pain. And the diarrhea was a result of the kidney failure messing with her intestines. I asked how long would she live with this option? I was told two weeks.

My heart ached knowing she was in pain. I had no idea that she was. She just cuddled with me on the couch and never cried. But to watch her walk this past week we knew there was something wrong.

As I sat there petting her head the vet said that there was a third option. I knew instantly what was coming. I just couldn't say the word. She went on to tell me that putting her to sleep was another option. She said no one would think ill of me for taking this option. She is an old cat, and has lived a very healthy full life.

I thought I prepared myself for this. Even told myself that if it came to that I would stay with her petting her head (she loved her head petted). But all I could do was stare at the vet. I felt my eyes stinging and my vision blurring. I had to look away from the doctor and just kept petting Tequila. Not sure if it was for her or for me.

The doctor told me she would give me some "alone" time with her. I just looked at the doctor I couldn't speak, but she did and her voice cracked as she said she would get me tissue. I almost felt as sorry for her as I did for myself.

When she came back I looked at her as she waited for me to give her an answer. I still could not say the words. I just told her that I was choosing option 3. I couldn't speak again after that, I would barley see through the tears in my eyes. I was trying desperately to not fall apart till it was done. She asked if I wanted to be there with her. I totally lost it at this point. I could talk, couldn't see, and could barely breath. I just shook my head no.

They had me sign a paper and then they took my baby girl. She is now no longer in pain.

When I got home the kids were home already. Mikayla asked my why I was home early. I just said I had a vet appointment. When she realized what happened she asked no more questions, just gave me time and space. I then went upstairs and Devin saw me. He asked where the cat was, I just looked at him and instantly started crying. I walked into my bathroom and sat down. He of course followed me asking what happened and again all I could do was shake my head and held my breath.

He did something then that totally shocked me........ he bent over and hugged me. Said it was wrong she was gone and that he was sorry. Just the gentleness of his tone made me go into a crying fit. I tried to stand and leave but he just help me and would not let go until my fit was done. Hours later Mikayla came to me and hugged me. Again I am taken aback at my kids gentleness and caring when I needed it most.

I will miss my cat, she was a great cat. I am sure wherever she is she is chasing birds and eating grass.

2 comments:

utmomof 5 said...

Oh I am so crying! Big hugs to you. It is so hard to make that decision (and easy too because you don't wnat them hurting. It makes me smile to think of your kids being so sweet to you :)
We put our 14 year old dog done about a year and half ago and I still cry when I think about that day.

Dread Pirate Davi said...

I know how you feel. It's been just over a month since our 17-yr-old Persian, Figaro, passed on. =( They live on in our hearts. <3