Saturday, October 30, 2010

We Are Falling Apart At The Seems

What can you do with/to a teen who disregards everything you say. Has no care for your authority. Pushes you to your breaking point every minute of every day?

This is where MD and I are at. We have tried rewarding as well as punishments. We try to be fair. But in the end we are basically told they will do what they want when they want and we have no right to be upset, angry, or disapproving.


At this very moment I can not think of the word I want to use (probably because I can only see/think red) but I believe it is entitled. They think they are entitled to have everything just given to them and to do as they see fit..........................oh how wrong they will see they are.

It became painfully clear last night. MD and I had been planning on attending a Halloween party at a old neighbor's (they just moved two weeks ago). Both kids knew we were going as they were first told that they were going to go with us, then it was decided to not be "kid friendly" so I told them they didn't have to go.

I get home from work right behind MD. We get into the house, no kids, no notes on their whereabouts. We leave for the party. Still no calls or text messages (though Devin's phone has not been returned to him due to poor grades). Sometime around 9 pm I get a text from Mikayla ............. when are you picking me up? Picking her up? I don't even know where she is. With some text bickering back and forth MD and I decide to leave the party go get her (oh and play taxi to others again without knowledge of this till we show up) and go home to an empty house. Mind you it is now after 11pm.
No Devin. His COURT APPOINTED curfew is 9pm. I sit reading/playing on the computer till midnight, still no Devin. MD stands looking at me asking what we have done wrong as parents? All I can do is shrug my shoulders and say too him..........."we gave them too much". That is the only thing I can see we have done WRONG.
At this point MD is fuming and all I can think is that Devin is bringing this on himself. MD goes around and verifies that all windows and doors are lock. Locks the garage door. This way he HAS to ring the front door bell if he wants in (and it is like 30 something degrees outside). No Devin all night, even as I write this, no Devin.
So this morning I have removed ALL electronics from his room and will be "cleaning it out" shortly. I informed MD that Mikayla will be receiving the same removal from her room.
With things bouncing around in my head I have decided that a formal listing of "HOUSE RULES" need to be inforced. Following is list of rules that I have come up with and enforced (how I just have not figured out yet) at the MD House:

1. No electronics what so ever in bedrooms (this means laptops, TVs, I-touches (Internet access) etc.
2. No more eating in bedrooms
4. No F's allowed on any assignment (we currently take the cell phone away a day for every F that is why Devin still does not have his back)
5. Chores will be posted and completed before I get home from work.
6. Devin will apply and obtain a job within a month. All funds will be stopped in 30 days. No more money for lunches he can make a lunch a bring it from home. He is after all 16 and since he has no desire to do homework or sports he can go to work.
7. No longer will disrespectful talking be allowed. If your mad, fine but go to your room and work it out there.
8. Absolutely no one is allowed in the house while MD and I are not home.
9. The Internet will be allowed only on one computer in the house and you will have to ask permission to get on it. Oh yea there will be a password on it.
I am sure I will think of more as the day goes on but this is what I have come up with so far. So now I am trying to think of "punishments" for breaking these rules. With Mikayla that is not too hard. Grounding and taking the cell phone away still works for the most part. It is Devin who is going to be the challenge. I mean if he is not afraid of breaking probation rules (which he know will get him sent back to court) what could I possibly do to him?

Like I said falling apart at the seams


Cindi said...

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I give you a lot of credit for continually striving to do what is best for your children. That's not easy in this day and age. Like you said, many of today's teenagers have a feeling of entitlement.

Our school (I'm a teacher) has had Dr. Ray Guarendi come in and talk to the parents. He's a clinical psychologist, as well as a parent. He and his wife have 10 children! He says that as parents, we are required to provide food, shelter, and clothing for our children. Everything over and above that is a bonus and therefore, must be earned. I've tried to follow that, but I'm not always successful. Occasionally I need to revisit his books for a refresher course.

You are doing everything you can and I will continue to think good thoughts for you!

Dread Pirate Davi said...

Hang in there. :(

utmomof 5 said...

Oh my! That sucks to have to deal with but it sounds to me like you are on the right path. I think you got the work right using "entitlement". I hope things get better for your family!!!

Laggin said...

Ugh. I obviously have no good advice. I can send you one ruby red shoe...then maybe you and I can each have one foot in Kansas and one in this bizarre world of Oz.

What will happen when his probation officer learns that he stayed out all night?

When we were having trouble last week, one of Mac's teachers asked if we had thought about taking away the car. Yeah, buddy, we're total idiots. We never thought of taking away the car. Maybe we just make sure she's got it to get to SCHOOL? It IS 10 miles aways from the house and kinda out of walking range. *sigh*