Monday, August 29, 2011

From Ace to Ass in 3 Days

In my previous post I mentioned Devin had a rather good IEP (individual education program) meeting with his case manager on Thursday.  I was there and was witness to it. 

Friday came no problems.

Today is Monday and he has hit his down side. 

5:45 am he refused to get up this morning to get ready to catch the bus.  he state "I have a ride". 

6:00 still refused to get up, stating he didn't need to be up yet.

6:15 starts the cursing

6:45 still cursing when I try to get him out of bed

At this point I disappeared to the garage with my coffee, book and cigarettes to "unwind" and "calm down".  To try to not sound so "crabby" when trying to get the boy up.

7:00 again told to leave his room and leave him alone.  (not in just those words)

I head to get my shower and get myself ready for work.

7:30  At this point first bell has already rung 10 minutes ago.  And I tell him to get up that school has started and he was now late.  I was informed he was not going.  I wanted to pull the Tasmanian devil on him at this point!   But alas I cannot as I am to be the "responsible" "grownup" party here (ugh).  I said that if this is what he was going to continually pull he needed to leave my house.  Oh, and give me the cell phone.  I was told no.  My reply was no problem I will call Sprint and cancel the service and if I do that it will not get turned back on.  His reply was fine, I will get my own. 

In my head I was thinking "HA I got you by the short hairs here little man!"  I simply replied that he could not get an account for ANY cell phone until he was 18 and that he was 9 months from that.  His reply was simply "get the F (no he didn't say the whole word) out of my room).  I walked away (if to do nothing but keep myself from ripping his head off), then came back asked for the phone again.  He handed it to me (after taking out the battery).

TRIUMPH!  He knows the phone is a goner.  And he didn't want me seeing his text messages and see his contacts.  He thinks he is being sneaky.  But at this point Mike realised Devin was still home and in fact not gone to school.  Round two started.

Mike likes to repeatedly ask the same question over and over.  That is until you give an answer he likes.  That was not going to happen this morning.  So he then proceeds to tell Devin if he chose to ditch school he needed to get out of the house, that he was NOT going to support a dead beat lazy kid.  I simply told Mike to walk away, don't let Devin get to him (1 that is my job and 2 he will end up with a coronary). 

Mike wants to take him to this rehab place not far from home.  I asked him why and to rehab what?  His attitude?  We have been told before and repeatedly that Devin is the way he is and there isn't much (not even medication) we can do to change it.  Mike said put him in for smoking pot.  I told Mike that is a waste of our money.  Devin needs an attitude adjustment and he will NOT get that at a drug rehab place.  I know why Mike wants to send him.  To give the rest of us a little peace and tranquility, and to say he has "tried" everything to deal with Devin.

We have tried everything, and honestly I like Devin better after he has smoke a little.  I know BAD MOM.  But really, don't judge until you yourself have attempted to raise a child that absolutely HATES you, can't be civil around anyone in the house (not sure how he acts around his friends families), is constantly angry no matter what you have or have not done, doesn't have a civil word to say.  And then he comes home one day in a great mood, helps around the house, speaks nicely to you and the entire family, willing to sit and do homework, what ever.  I can only WISH that stuff could come in pill form and was legal.

I know your thinking the kids has SOMETHING going on in his head.  You are right, but for the life of me I have tried to find out what that is.  We have been to ........ 6 psyhcologist, 1 psychiatrist, 2 neurologists, 1 behavior specialist, a handful of MDs, and 4 Therapist.  We have had just as many diagnosis.  several ADHDs, ODDs, Asperbergers, Depression, and several repeats of "he is a very strong willed by".  Seriously?!   And not one of them has given us anything to help with Devin.  We followed advise from one doctor and ended up with DFS at our door telling us we were psysicologically abusing Devin.  And we have been dealing with this since the 1st grade thank you very much. 

So here I am sitting at work trying to get it all out of my system and into this post, to where I would love for it to stay and make everything better at home.  It cannot. 

We have friends that want us to vacatio with them.  I would love to but again we feel we cannot.  Devin is near impossible to take anywhere and we absolutly refuse to leave him along for any length of time at the house.  Another friend jokes "well that is why you have insurance no?"  Um NO I don't want to have to come home to a party trashed house, or gracious knows what.  THAT would be irrisponsible on our parts we think, so no vacations.  I am hoping to sneak away with Mikayla later this year.  Maybe to Floriday, somewhere warm.  Maybe I will allow Mike to send Devin to rehab.  Maybe then we could take a vacation and not have to worry.  

I like control, and right now............................. we have no control.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Sporatic is my Middle Name

Blogging (and even reading posts) have been sporatic of late.  I know bad me.  I got a new toy.  A droid tablet.  I AM IN LOVE.  I have been downloading books like crazy and reading non-stop.  Now I always thought that I could never give up my physical books.  I love the textures and smells of a book.  But the instant gratification of having multiple books at your disposal, and being able to get just about any book you want instantly (sometimes free of charge) is euphoric at times.

So that is where I have been, nose down in a book (screen).  Blistfully enjoying a fantisy world and being able to disappear from the real one.

With that said.................

I had a meeting at the high school today for Devin.  His annual IEP meeting.  For years I fought to get Devin more support in areas I thought he needed it.   Some years the school has been helpful, others not so much.  This year I just sat there, it is up to Devin now.  He is made to attend these with me and has more decision and input requirements than before.  Today was not all that bad as we found out that he could still graduate this year.  Providing he petition the school board into letting him do what they call Credit Recovery.   Basically it is night school in addition to regular school classes.  Unfortunately is it ALL self study and that is not a strong suit for Devin and he was not really interested in that option.  His other option is to take 3 credits next year first semester then graduate.  Mike and I had been trying to get him to understand last semester that if he could pass he classes he would have been able to graduate this year.  But no, again Devin has to learn things the very hard way. 

To date he is carrying all A's and 1 F.  He has been switched out of the class that he was failing (he said it was because he was lost) and into another.  I am not hoping that he will keep his As, all I am hoping for is for him to pass all his classes.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

And so it begins

School has started and I can tell you I had some serious mixed emotions about that:

Good:
 - I get some time to do what I need in the morning without the fear of waking anyone up.
 - my utilities will go back down (no TV, radios, and lights on all day)
 - my days off are quite after everyone leaves

Bad:
 - The boy's mood swings are usually (almost always) bad in the morning
 - lots of grumpy, foul, loud language to start my day.
 - more mom taxi duties

I actually think I was dreading school starting more than I was looking forward to it.  Devin makes like around here hard enough but then throw in the fact we are making him get up every morning at an hour he would rather stay asleep, he makes everyone pay.  Not a great way to get your day started, and usually sets my mood for the day.  My only up side is that I have an hour to cool down and relax after he leaves and before I have to go to work.

Mikayla (lucky for me) is pretty quiet in the morning which is probably a very good thing.  Helps me keep myself level because I am already on edge after having to deal with the boy.. Who who has refused to take ANY of his medication and I am tired of fighting with him about it.  Sorry teachers and school.

Devin keeps telling me he is going to quit school.  We tell him there will be slip pickings for what kind a job a high school drop out can get and WE will NOT be supporting him forever.  He states he doesn't care, school is stupid, teachers are stupid,  etc.  He knows we cannot stop him when he turns 18 so he likes to remind us that he will NOT be going to school next year.  We do remind him that had he not failed all the classes he has he would have been graduating this year.  Just do the work, show up, pass then you can be done with school.  He thinks he doesn't need to graduate.

By the end of this conversation (usually yelling involved as well as swearing on Devin's part) I am worn out.  When we tell him that in order to live in our house he must go school and pass his classes.  He likes to remind us we are legally obligated to PAY for everything he needs including clothes food and a place to live.  We cannot kick him out.  I remind him at that point he is correct but I do not have to buy $100 jeans, his favorite foods.  All I legally have to provide is food of my chosing, clothes can be from good will and do not have to be the top of fashion (if that what he calls what he wears).  Oh and when he turns 18 and he does not follow OUR rules, we can LEGALLY toss him out on his butt. 

Will I actually follow through on that threat?   Yea probably I will be forced too.  He should know this by now since I have followed through on everyone I have said so far.  He knows that it was me that asked his probation officer to put him in juvi for 2 weeks, never hid anything from her.  He has learned that when I say do this again  and this will happen.  Unfortunately he makes me follow through with every threat.  I don't know what compells the boy to continue on his path of self distruction.

Time to meditate and put myself in that happy place.  :)

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Well she IS Determined

It seems Mikayla is enjoying her drawing.  And she is now moved on from paper as her medium of choice,


This is what she drew on her friend Deionna's shoulder.  Not sure what spurred this on, guess they got bored after a day of shopping at the mall.


This is Mikayla and Deionna sometime today.  I think these two have changed outfits at least 3 times today.


This is another picture of the TODAY (notice the different outfits) in the mall bathrooms. 

They both want to get tattoos.  Both are only 15.  And it seems that both Deionna's mom and I think alike.  No was the answer from both of us.  At least not until they have moved out of our houses (or 21 I guess the case may be in our house since Felicia set that precedent).

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Another Art Day

Mikayla's latest "work" drawing.   It started out as a tree and this is what she ended up with.  Where her mind goes...........


I rather like what she draws when she is waiting for me to take her to work.

Oh!  Did I mention Mikayla got a job?  She is 15 and just as ambitious as her sister.  Working already, you go girl.

Monday, August 01, 2011

A Feel Good Weekend

This past weekend a few coworkers and friends went to volunteer for Habitat for Humanity.  Habitat is building a small subdivision of houses near where I live and needs all the volunteers that they can get.  John (coworker) organized the trip this past weekend. 

We were lucky it was an overcast day, but the humidity was thick.  We were huge sweat balls within an hour of starting.  Needless to say we went through LOTS of water.  Well most of us Erin went through lots of soda.


This is John.  He was in charge of cutting the boards that we were putting on the roof.  Yes I said putting on the roof.  I and several others volunteered to shimmy up on open trusses and put on the roof.  Crazy I know!


This is Jennifer (John's wife - Standing) and Erin (coworker - sitting).  Jen was freaking amazing!  She was lifting boards and winging them around as if she was on the ground.  Girl is crazy.  But one of the nicest people you could ever want to meet.

Oh, and Jen and Erin are also on the volley ball team I joined. 
  

This is Pam (we play volleyball together).  She's a sneaky bugger turning her head before I could get her picture. 


This is Matt (coworker).  Thanks to this pose his new nick name at work is GQ Matt.  He is our youngest in the office (born the year I graduated high school)


You have to excuse my hand in this picture.  I was getting shaky since it was getting close to lunch.    Erin and Matt were obviously nervous being up on the roof.  I can't say that I wasn't nervous, but once I was up on the roof I was fine.  It was just crawling up and down the ladder that made me nervous.



Yep this is me.  We were waiting for the next board to be hoisted up.

Just in time for lunch storm clouds rolled in.  So while we ate we finally got the rain we so needed.  But because of the rain we were unable to go back and do any more work.  We are planning to get together again for another Saturday trip to work on some more houses.