Monday, March 19, 2012

Just another Day in Paradise

We had another blow out last night.  Of course Mike and I were not home.  It never fails when the kids are all home SOMETHING always happens.

Mikayla and her boyfriend were at the house watching movies and apparently Devin had some of his (ugh) friends over (which he has been repeatedly told they are not allowed over ever).  Around 9:30 I started getting calls from our house phone and from Nathaniel’s phone.  I returned Nathaniel’s call first knowing that he was with Mikayla.  It went directly to his voicemail. I then tried the house phone back.  Devin answered and he was extremely irate.  Started swearing at me, telling me he was going to get into a fight with Mikayla’s boyfriend if I didn’t make him leave.  I asked him what was going on and he said that he didn’t do anything and Nathaniel got into his face.  And that if I didn’t kick him out of the house he was.  He went back to cursing at me and screaming at me and telling me what he was going to do and that it was entirely all their fault and on and on. 

I told him at that point (knowing Nathaniel would never confront Devin without provocation) that the only reason Nathaniel was getting into his face was that he must have been terrorizing his sister (which I found out he was).  Devin proceeded to tell me that this was bullshit (yes he used that language and this was the nicest word he said) and I never allow him to have friends over (but umm he had them over at that exact moment…….) and Nathaniel is 19 and Mikayla is only 13 (I reminded Devin here that she is actually 16 and it was none of his business if I let them date).  He said he was going to call the police because Nathaniel wouldn’t leave when he told him too.  I told Devin that it would not be Nathaniel in trouble with the police because I would be there to tell the police that he was the problem and that Nathaniel had our permission to be at the house.  I also told Devin that I would make sure it would be him that was removed from the house.  He said he didn’t care because he knew he was going to be kicked out in a month anyway (more of that later).  I just told Devin he had best NOT do anything to either his sister or her boyfriend and told him I was on my way home.

I then called Mikayla back on Nathaniel’s phone and got her version of course which was more believable knowing all parties involved.  She asked if I would speak with Nathaniel because he was worried we were going to be upset with him.  She started crying.  I spoke with Nathaniel told him not to worry and to take Mikayla to McDonald's till we got home.

Part of me feels bad because I cannot find it in myself to stand up for Devin.  I actually stood up for a boy not my son against my son.  I just don’t have it in me anymore to defend Devin and have told him that his actions prevent me from doing so.  Of course everything that he has done (quit school, refuses to get a job, get a GED, help around the house) is inevitable someone else’s fault never his own.  I have tried getting him to counseling, he refuses.  Tried getting him to take his meds, he refuses.  Tried getting him back to see his doctor and neurologist, he refuses.  I have had a police officer go to him and let him know how things are, he doesn’t listen he thinks he is right and everyone else is wrong.  I have contacted several agencies to get help.  First Youth in Need, they are a voluntary residence, Devin is not nor will be voluntary in this.  So they are out.  They suggest several other lock down units.  Upon calling them and explaining the situation they proceeded to let me what they charge, how they work and such.  I said fine, then they all told me they could not get him in unless he was currently with counseling.  ARE YOU SERIOUS!  I explained he refuses to see a counselor, therapist, psychologist anyone.    I was then told they could do nothing until that happened first.  So here I am told I cannot get help, I cannot remove him from my home until he is 18 and pretty much I have to let him do as he wishes when he wishes.  He is destroying my home without a care.  He throws things around the house, damaging walls furniture, whatever doesn’t matter to him.

So here I sit patiently waiting for May 18th to get here so I can have him removed from the house.  I cannot keep putting Mikayla in that kind of environment.  It is hostel around the house anytime Devin is home.  And I no longer have patience for him or his behavior and he knows it.  We rarely speak, unless he is cursing at me because I made him mad about something.

So yea feeling bad that it has come to me defending someone else’s son versus defending my own……..

I did find out later when we spoke with Mikayla and Nathaniel that after my call Devin went outside and apologized to them and told them they could go in the house.  

Devin also called back and asked to speak with his dad.  Apparently he was checking to see if Mike was going to be working on the bathroom job we have going.  Mike told him no it was a week day that he had Pepsi work to do.  Devin then informed his dad that he would not be home when we got there.  Mike told him that was probably a good idea to be gone when we got there.

I wish I knew what was going through that kids head.