Friday, October 29, 2010

Never want to do that again

Collin's funeral was harder than I expected. Facing Debbie & Steve was the hardest thing I think I have done to date. MD gave Felicia and I trouble (teasing trouble) later in the evening. Saying that they (Deb & Steve) seem to be holding up great considering the situation. That was until they took one look at us (Felicia and I) and lost it.

Yea, I have to admit it was a cry fest when we greeted them. Steve hugged me so tight I couldn't breath then he just looked at Felicia and started sobbing. I mean not just tears, the man was sobbing. It broke my heart. Then as I turned to Debbie, I tried to smiled a little, she let out a squeak and that was all it took we both started crying. MD looked lost and very uncomfortable, he absolutly hates seeing me upset or crying. and he knew there was absolutly nothing he could do to help any of us at that moment. We have never had to deal with this type of situation before, I mean we have had family members / fridnes pass. Of course they were either old, sick or both. So dealing with this type of death was difficult. None of us said a thing to each other, all we could do was hug.

As we approached Collin's casket it was very difficult to keep our composure. Felicia was crying so hard and turning side to side. Looking at her, it made you think that she was trying to figure out which way she run to get out of the church. In the end she just leaned into my arms and cried. I have never felt so helpless in my life. Nothing I could do could fix anything. MD just put his arms around us and led us to the side of the church and walked us out.

Collin's entire Fraternity came and did some sort of service gathered around his casket. It was moving to say the least.

What was heart wrenching was watching grown men talk about things they remember about Collin and having to stop because the would start crying. Seeing grown men cry always tears at my heart.

One of Collin's and Felicia's friends (he was one of Collin's best & longest friends) found Felicia and I. Grabbed us and hugged us. He looked horrible, not doing very well with the situation at all. Poor boy could only nod, couldn't say a word. Sadness engraved so deep on his face, again I could say nothing to ease his pain. Chris had told Felicia the day before he had come to terms with Collin being gone but from what I saw, he apparently had not.

After the services they had a dinner provided for everyone. We couldn't handle staying any longer. We found Steve and Debbie said (cried) our goodbyes. They threatened kidnapping if Felicia didn't make it by when she came back in town. I told Deb if she wished, the next trip I made to Chicago she could come. She said she would look forward to that, thinking it actually would be a nice get away. They have always told Felicia she was the daughter they never had, they had only boys.

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